Museum employee Sharon Blightman shares the joys of being a grandparent while reminiscing about parenthood.
Sharon Blightman
Group Visits Reservationist
Parent to three grown children and grandmother to five
What are two of the most important things that you learned from your parents about parenting?
Lesson 1: Grandchildren are wonderful!
My mother would hold and patiently rock a crying baby until the baby calmed down. As the grandchildren grew older she cooked their favorite meals, listened to their stories, dried their tears, bandaged their knees…made each of them feel special. Grandma was comfort wrapped up in this one tiny person.
Grandpa loved to watch wrestling on TV and the grandkids loved to watch with him. Grandpa was very vocal during wrestling matches…either cheering his favorite wrestlers on or shouting at them in frustration. He invited his grandchildren to join him whether he was watching TV, working in the yard, washing a car or just sitting in the garage and watching the world pass by. My kids loved that.
My parents thought that every one of their grandchildren was special and they found joy in spending time with them.
Now that I’m a grandmother, I understand. I want to be one of the special people in their lives. I want to be someone they can go to if they want a band-aid for their knee or to tell a story to. I want to be that someone they just want to hang out with.
Why is it when my grandchildren smile when they see me, run to give me a hug, or want to share with me a bite of the soggy cookie they’re holding fills me with what I have to call “pure” joy. Why did it hurt so much when I had to give one of my grandsons his first time out? I don’t think it’s because my grandchildren are more amazing or wonderful than my own children were and are. I think it’s because I now know how quickly time passes and before you realize it, your children are grown and have families of their own. Maybe it’s because my children want their parents to be a part of their lives … a reward … a gift to be sure.
Lesson 2: It’s their lives … I’m just the driver!
Being a parent is hard work. As your children get older, life gets busier with so many schedules to juggle. When my children were younger, my husband and I were in charge of where we went and what we did. Before I knew it, the children’s schedules determined where we had to be, and what we had to do.
I remember complaining to my mom that I always missed something because I was with one of my other children…driving or watching their game/practice/lesson. I remember my mother telling me I can’t be everywhere at the same time. She said to be glad that they wanted to tell you about how the ball was thrown too high and they weren’t sure they were going to catch it and tag the runner out, or how they didn’t know if the basket was going to go in and how “pumped” they felt when it did and everyone cheered. It’s not my success, it’s theirs. They know I would be there if I could and I should be glad they want to relive their moment with me – I’m just the driver.
How do you think your style is similar to and different from your parents’ style?
Growing up, my siblings and I were expected to listen to our parents, be kind to each other, do our chores, do our homework, and not get in trouble. When our homework and chores were done, we were told we could go play. My parents were busy and they didn’t want to hear, “I’ve got nothing to do.” If my parents had to find something for us to do, we were told to go outside and pull weeds or go clean our rooms. It was better for us kids to figure out what we could do on our own.
I wanted to make sure my children had the chance to experience the same thing – ‘the I’m bored, I have nothing to do moments.’ Their lives were busy during the school year and they deserved time for having to figure out what they wanted to do – whether that was playing a game with each other, playing with friends, or doing something on their own. They needed to know that mom didn’t need to plan every minute of their day, that they actually had some say. If they came to me and said “I have nothing to do,” I found myself sounding like my mother and telling them they could go pull weeds or go clean their rooms.
